Some things i scribbled down when i was away

29thjuly cant find a leg to break
“I’m all cut up, unsure, I don’t know what I’m doing, I need a good kicking and I need some help.” I live for Bilo

Four thousand miles from civilisation nothing left to cling onto but a laptop and a thousand dreams.
I woke up this morn in an Arcadian paradise surrounded by brambles and a view to live for but nothing took hold more then the urge to do one off the edge. Leaving to become wholesome and pure oh so scared and unsure all I can do now is twiddle m thumbs and wait for the skag man to appear.
Growing into this second skin and a union jack in my hair no more pride exudes from my person then it does the next, each and every tells a story.
Don’t let her in she’ll rob you blind, whets there left to loose.
Pharmaceuticals.

Eyes as dark as the continent accessorised with scratches scars and gashes tracing a fine line up my spine. My legs are purple and my hearts blue.
This word wasn’t made for people like me, its too real the metallic taste somewhere near my throat needs to be dulled with gin and promises.
I’ve broken mine and im hiding from the reality, this heavy head wont find a bed until the mistakes are made and the deeds been done. I wish had the strength you wised I owned.
Its kicking in and im signing out, the bile rises and the lids fall. Full on signal failure follows.
Dressed in pearls a flag and a frown I access the damage done by wandering boundaries and a wrong turn. All dressed up and no one to blow.

Take her out and show her a good time it’ll be her last, keep it rested and come back for more when you remember to down the bottle and take a bath to scrub the sins from a virgin’s skin. Here’s the money don’t find me until you can make me truly happy. I watched the sun come up with your ghost. Remember that you love me when you see it set.
Patches to combat one addiction and a bucket to ride out the next,
I need to feel you, I need to wake up with you I need to learn to trust you again before I swear to be yours. Tis you I love no worries.

“leave her alone she being a moody cunt”







I cant stand myself, I’m sorry for putting you through this

Frozen in Motion; This ones for you

The words on the page are all i can offer you.
The wind is dragging me in every direction it can Fathom.
Splitting myself in 2 would be ideal but its horribly unrealistic.
I made a fucking decision, guessing i made the wrong one, right...?
The end is Nigh, this era is over and the new one is hiding. Im not ready for this
Loosing out and loosing you are all im worried about,
I dont want to be afraid,
The ones to please are 10 to the pound...

Nothing lasts forever, Look at the boys they cant even share an article let alone a stage,
how the fuck are we to manage.

Im not finding the answers to anything at the bottom of this Glass, just like i know their not hiding under your bed or writhing under my boots, their not going to come in the pockets of army jackets or at the end of any black and grey rainbow.
Im breaking hearts and Im Loosing the energy to keep putting up this fight.
The world outside my window leaves me speachless, my world behind closed doors is crumbling.

Hold me up, Dont Drag me Down.

"stay clean for me, stay Healthy and stay Happy, I'll watch the clock and count the days. I cant wait to see you at the gate, whats happened has happened look at the future its fucking technicolour. Just trust me Please"

Im sorry if i let you down, just dont expect too much and you wont get disapointed.
ilysfm

Growing Pangs

I'm like a house built of matches positioned on the tip of the white cliffs of Dover.

Pretty much every ounce of stability has left my life, even my bodys decided to turn against me.
Ive never thought id say it but im craving stability...and i miss coming home to a house full of people.
I dont even know where im staying next week let alone what uni i want to go to.
Im having issues even deciding on whether im even going to get out of bed of an afternoon.
i cant even commit to a healthy nicotine/drink habit.
Ive lost my mother, my best mate, my little brothers, my stability and what feels like everything else in one fail swoop, their only 200 miles away but to write the words Two hundred miles makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
Coping with anything at ALL it murder quite actually today in fact i was face with a life changing decision of whether to leave the pub and come home or not... FUCK WHAT A DILEMMA
how the hell is one such as this supposed to live on my own.
I have to grow up and i shitting bricks my brains going
~ "AHH FUCK SHIT AHHH BASTARD CUNT WHORE SLAG WHORE" ~
I cant deal with it, ive just started on my break down, i feel as if im pushing everyone away
which i am.. i just need to be on my own alot at the moment but im avoiding even aproaching entertaining thinking about anything.
The I count on this post is through the roof... Not caring, Not Caring Not Caring LALALALA.
Ive never felt so alone, this is awful. The water works are fast aproaching.
I dont want to grow up i dont want to leave the nest.
Im always to be a child. I have Pink hair

Mountains, Hills and Peeks, Valleys and Tower Blocks

There's a House in south wales that's taking precedence over something you would think a woman would never let get behind
There's a life in south wales that is a haven, somewhere for the woman to run to.
"Its all going to be so much better"
That's impossible as your going to be there, ever wondered why everything you've ever done has gone wrong
ill tell you why for nothing, this piece of profound information comes for free.
Its because your there.
The same woman has dragged the girl through all of her shit leaving her grown up and alone. Stunted her growth by making her clean the woman's wounds and sweep up the broken glass, hold her when she couldn't stand.
Now that's all changed, the monster from within the both of their lives has gone leaving a gaping hole in the wall, now all who pass can see straight through them.
A decision has been made not a joint one but a decision none the less, She all grown up and horror free the woman has decided that she no longer needs the girl all she needs is a clean break.
Shattering the girls world into thousands of pieces and taking it all away.
Now the girl cant stand and there's no one there to catch her before she falls. There's no one there to answer her cries and there's no one there to sweep up her tears of glass

"We're gonna die, Clyde, me and you, we'll get gunned down like dogs, but it's okay cos I was fucking dying anyway."

There's three of us in this bed, all caught up in this twisted triangle, each so hung up on their own shit that theres nothing else to do but let it all fall into place.

temptation has been turned into a reality and one thats allowed 100% and its fun right?

just now i cant be bothered with any of this stuff like now its allowed its no fun, well it is just not how it used to be.

Functioning like some kind of fucked up family... all kinks included
"I don't care what u think as long its about me"
god the only thing im letting rule my world is my bladder. the grip on the handbrake is loosening but im still not giving up with out a fight. im kicking out at the world and hoping i crash yours in the meantime

a past summer regression gone wrong

Its so fucking dark again, the night and the silence are trying to steal me

max went home, he had one to go to where someone loved him best of all,

Morrissey couldnt because it wasnt his home anymore.

im more of the second then the first.

when blogs crash so do the dams of my writers block and the thoughts come flooding in.

the tides wont stop turning even to catch your tears.

This beds aching for second to fill up the space thats been occupied so many times over

dont let the wind catch you saying anything, come on bathroom girl

pull the curtains and turn on the water, wash the pain off and carry on dreaming

I know this hurts, it was ment to

Freeze it, can it and keep it. its amazing
Buzzy and beautiful
Fuck it, Blind to everything but the exhilaration.
Fuck it
Fuck it
I could live of this feeling, screaming because you know its got to end but hanging on
because you have to ride out every last bump of this ride
Tantric

Im happy but i stole someone elses, cant say fuck them as much as i want to
all my eggs are in one basket but im going vegan anyway