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Its like i said.... it hurts way more



fuckin hell.... i want to fuckin die

Its a Rather Emo day

I Keep having dreams about people dying im not scared to die im just scared to be left on my own that would be worse then anything else.
Feeling Like shit but this time its sick not dead. maming movements for the better
Im Not quite sure what im thinking or feeling or anything.
I Know a few things that i never forget no matter what.
Everything i wish for will never come true, meaning that im fucked either way.
How positive.
Im not in a talking mood not even with myself i only end up starting an Fight.
Thats just who i am these days, i think it might be the fever but something is deffo not right in My world, it may be the fact that one by one everyone that means shit to me fucks off and leaves me on my lonesome.
Im over this shit, i want what i want and somehow i WILL get it! (I Hope and i honestly do mean that)

Putting Kisses into context...

The nightmares are back with avengance how many more nights am i going to have to put up with them, i cant remember the night before last but last nights just seems to keep clinging on.

started randomly and i cant remember most of it mainly just, an inspiration and a street then voices from the sky and it was horrific.

I honestly wanted to go and get back in bed with my mother like in was 6 again forgetting that 6 adult size people can hardly fit in a queen size bed. I just wish i could.

Last night devoid of all time and space i was scared for someone who isn't myself, which is what makes it scary
No?

What if someone did, what if i did. I'm making empty threats to myself.
My mouths writing cheques my mind i cant cash. Story of my life.

Felt like a wake up call from the universe telling me to "fix up and look sharp" in so many words.

I'm loosing sleep due tho the face Ive realised its not all about me something Ive been denying for the last 16 years. I just want to know why their back. telling people is the first but no one really understands that its harder then it looks and you've got to be there to understand how truly frightening the fucking dreams are.

Im getting better and worse steadily i hate it. i am a thousand percent on my own but surrounded by people who love me, saying i love them would make me sound pretentious something i try my hardest no to do.

I wrote 4 A4 sides the otherday took me about an hour i wasnt to bothered that i missed holyoaks but fuck it. i dont care. living in my own box not a bell jar just a cage created by the caged,
Freeanddumb 90% of the population i dont like politics or making statements about thing that im not informed about but i do hjave to say something when people waste their lives moaning about age and ect when people are dying on the otherside of the world due to war and famine its fucking out of order.

Enough ranting for one day, kore regressing tonight no doubt

Hearts on tablecloths and midnight runs, this was summer

Wouldnt change it for the world.

Ashton's Hairy bellybutton

Makes me swoon!! superfastsubjectchange

I Know he hasnt but it just made me smile, thinkin thats he might of. but thats just me.
Feel sick but im making progress, not loosing but i will be soon enough
More later when the entire house isnt trying to read.

Landslide

Always nice to hear the truth like a short sharp shock, i was too busy tricking everyone and trying to redeem myself with a diet coke to pay attention but the horrific truth really tipped the scale! (oh the irony)
Was Seriously not happy when i herd it.
Ive not put on but live lost my pride and joy

People piss me off when they lie to me i SWARE it really gets on my nevers im about a second away from smacking my mother I AM FAT theres no two ways around it and there never will be.

Im not going out later i havent earned food yet its that simple FUCK THEM