August....

its almost over and i dont remember when i actually arived but right now im not sure if i want to see the next one.
its not that i dont want to live its just that i dont want to be alive, which is just the same.
im not sure if i know if im okay or not but really quickly ive become not if that makes any sense
I got a really lush msg from a girl i hardly even know but it was stunning
I feel sick and urgy so i know im going to end up cutting but fuck it its my fucking body not anyone elses and its how i deal with my shit
Look im getting angry now because i hate not being able to do what i want which is carve my body into a bloody mess and then take alot of medication and sleep till tomorrow or never even wake up again! i dont care much about anything apart from buying new clothes and handbags and being someone im not which i do very well!
I feel even worse because FO is shutdown
Im going to take some laxxies and get in bed finish watching macbeth and then not eat for a month and be happy because thats more important then anything else ever being happy ive been ok and ive had fun but really happy only a few times. at josies i was ok untill i gouged my arm and was drunk and urge ridden!

Headphones cant get this accross

Being alone never felt so lonley without you,

trees get cut down, read the age in the rings, they stand the test of time.

When i smile my face shatters, your the onlyone that noitces.

Put me back together just to break me again, your the only one that can do it right.

Keep running on auto pilot, Ill pick up the keys when were back



Loveisallivegottooffermaybeitsenough

ox

Being Irrational is hard enough without being scared of Nothing

Honestly. Word of the day. yet Honesty Is a thing best left well alone.
The hardest part of having stupid fears is admitting that their STUPID. Far from stupid and very real are my very own fears.
like children just ones that you'd rather keep locked in a cupbord or just under your bed. If thats not where the little monsters already dwell.

Abandoment The worst and most Horrific thought that crosses my mind when its cold and dark and I feel more so.
I love having time on my own because i know that theres always someone to comeback to. If there wasnt then, alone time would be pointless. No?
Honestly it scares me to be left alone for Long periods of time, Nights are the worse, some how the dark makes everything so amazing and more abstract but makes being alone a Hell of alot more Lonley even when there are people in close range.

The next one is alot more personal. Its well the complete and utter loss of my mental stability.
Its like teetering on the edge of a cliff and well noone wants to know whats on the other side. well i dont any road. its making me feel rather Ill to think about it.

Basically Im unstable and Insecure, whats new? Im just feeling it alot more today. Meh i cant be fucked to go into details

Im not writing in my normal fashion as im too busy watching Jo Brand Barely live, Im really into her this week. I read her book. repeatidly