Fuck what i said last night.

Gone up in smoke,
I got the message this morning and it didnt register at all,
Only upon listening back to it did i realise what the fuck it ment.
what did i do, i rang my mother, it didnt even ring....straight to voicemail.
this is how it is.
I ringing the number back i sould stop shaking
then i couldnt stop crying.
now im just empty, and hating everything
im done with stupid mistakes, im done with him. im just THROUGH.
I want the buzz back.
figures are daunting, am i coping NO
need a hug so badly, the clouds are crawling over the optimistc blue sky.
sigh

The sea of Love

Im so happy, like blissfully.
Its making me a bit teary and i cant stop smiling.

Gear shift, im just happy
no reason why or why not.
For once im not feeling shit and im making the most of it.

Currently at this beautiful time ive got wicked friends, some amazing things on the cards,
plans galore, school is ace and everythings good man bar the fact that im sweating buckets.

Spent the night on my own but im not phased by it.

Sea of Love - Cat Power is wicked and so just right.

An Ending fitting for the start....

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Can't-Stand-Me-Now-lyrics-The-Libertines/637BC182AE4943C048256ED4000D6AE0




Call me Carlos but the end is nigh.
sortin it now would be like locking the stable door....

End of and era, just the like boys "She'll never forgive you but she won't let you go"

Im going to give you something of mine,
lets get fucked up together
watch the whore fuck about in the purple sky
Miss me more then a shot to the chest
Its done, calling it off.
One last Hurrah, just to say i let you drag me back to the drop

Im pushing you off, anyone asked you jumped

Tear it out, im dont want it, you wont need it.

Albion, Serves you right to sue, Sylvia, Getting High, What Katy did Next, East of Eden, Lost,
It Don't Bother me, Blackwaterside, Fresh as a sweet sunday, I got a woman, Carnival, Needle of Death, Killamangiro,
I Love you (But your Green),
Pipey Magraw, Beg Steal or Borrow, Arcady, Smashing, Back from the dead, Cyclops, Salome, What a Waster, Death on the Stairs, The Good old days, What Katy did, Dilly Boys, Seven Deadly SINS, France, Tell the King, , Time for Heroes, Albion, The Delaney, CANT STAND ME NOW, Road to Ruin, Dont Look back into the sun,

Dream a little dream of me.


understand, Please.

I want to scratch my faceoff, i want to cry, i need to hurt myself.
I feel cold and empty. i, i just dont know what to write all of a sudden i got this insane rush of death over me. like id been thrown down a well, i couldnt breath for a second now im jsut hollow.
i cant copewith this i dont understant it. im drowning
so hard
i just want to keep typing its helping but not improvinmg fuck fuck fuck
im scared really really. ive only got something to used and thats it. its old and rusty and i'll get an infection but its that or a shard of mirror.
what the fuck is this about. im so scared i need to talk to someone. anyone. my mother.
my doctor. someone who will understand. i want to pull all my skin off my face and scratch stps up my back.
epic massive moodshift
i dont understand whats happening. i hate this. why is it happening.
Im just so scared. i dont know what else to do.

ive taken about 110g of amytrip and burned a bit. now im going to sleep