Growing Pangs

I'm like a house built of matches positioned on the tip of the white cliffs of Dover.

Pretty much every ounce of stability has left my life, even my bodys decided to turn against me.
Ive never thought id say it but im craving stability...and i miss coming home to a house full of people.
I dont even know where im staying next week let alone what uni i want to go to.
Im having issues even deciding on whether im even going to get out of bed of an afternoon.
i cant even commit to a healthy nicotine/drink habit.
Ive lost my mother, my best mate, my little brothers, my stability and what feels like everything else in one fail swoop, their only 200 miles away but to write the words Two hundred miles makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
Coping with anything at ALL it murder quite actually today in fact i was face with a life changing decision of whether to leave the pub and come home or not... FUCK WHAT A DILEMMA
how the hell is one such as this supposed to live on my own.
I have to grow up and i shitting bricks my brains going
~ "AHH FUCK SHIT AHHH BASTARD CUNT WHORE SLAG WHORE" ~
I cant deal with it, ive just started on my break down, i feel as if im pushing everyone away
which i am.. i just need to be on my own alot at the moment but im avoiding even aproaching entertaining thinking about anything.
The I count on this post is through the roof... Not caring, Not Caring Not Caring LALALALA.
Ive never felt so alone, this is awful. The water works are fast aproaching.
I dont want to grow up i dont want to leave the nest.
Im always to be a child. I have Pink hair