Fatal Secrets, Half Truths and Full mistakes

Im weak and id rather be dead then be this thing that i am now, noone understands its a possibility but over a month NO i dont think so, i have no control and their seems to be no results. I cant take this. FAT POINTLESS USLESS. thats how i feel and unclean and like shit i just want to cry all the time and drink and eat.
I just need to talk to someone who will understand and not judge me for being a fat bitch with Issues.
Cant someone else just do this for me?
Im going tomorrow i cant stay here.

theres two songs that i can listen to constantly. Japanese Gum- Her space Hoilday &
Black Dresses - Spill Canvas
I dont know why but the second one makes me feel strange inside.

im spending a few days away from temptation, away from my home comforts, away from human contact and well worst of all my music. But it will be good time to heal and get clean.

"It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself" Japanese Gum

"My secret is fatally gorgeous I'd die for you
But in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance Tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
Tell me would you die for me too?
The quivering liquids in your stomach
Will eat away at the bad habits that have made you
A real character in the story of your now distant life
Goodnight and goodbye, quickly, quickly " Black Dresses