Fuckers all of them.

I didn't think i'd be so calm when my father had his hands wrapped around my throat. I think he was surprised that I fought back. Shocker innit.

Guess it becomes a reflex when you spend your childhood watching your mother having the shit kicked out of her by the man she loves. I don't know what it is but apparently everyone thinks they've got the right to put their hands on me. This is very untrue. I'll give just as good as I get.

The sense of calm that I've got washing over me might have something to do with the gin I just downed.

She reckons I had it coming & now need to "go for a walk & calm down" Like fuck I am.
Trust man, broken in seconds.

It's not as if i don't know how the story ends but something in me longs & wishes that I could change the hand that was delt...

... to the star crossed lovers as they have been known. If at the close of the greatest love story ever told the lovers lie dead...

what hope can be spared for the rest of us? Together in death is almost not together at all.

does that make us better off dead if we are not free to love & be loved back just as fiercely?

fuck knows, i'm going to sleep.

in other news, i've run out of fags.

Ahem.

So currently there is;

C
N
J
H
&
N

P has recently been taken off the list as he had taken a lover
I'm only fucking one of them but contemplating the rest of them, they want me & I wanna be picky.

There has been too many to count.

I don't want to sleep on my own anymore. I want you back in my bed and back in my life. You or someone new.

Mock shock horror

I'm never going to get you to myself.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCK ARGHHHHHH. FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.


CUNT MASSIVE MASSIVE CUNT.

Here I go again on my own.