I'm scared that I'll never stop wanting you, never stop waiting for you to come back & fill the hole you left in my life & my soul when you blazed through it. I feel like an idiot for always waiting & always letting you back in my life. I'm scared because I let you get too close & now I'm vulnerable. I hate you for being with her. I hate you for being just like me. I hate you for not being here. I hate myself for hurting you like I did. I hate me for keeping that secret & I hate you for hating me because of it. I'm sorry I fucked it. I'm sorry for falling for you, I didn't want it. I'm sorry to the boys I'm fucking over because I'm still waiting for you. I'm sorry.

I don't want things to go back to how they were, I just want you to pick up the phone & ask me if I want to do something.

I'm angry, hurt, upset, disjointed, disappointed & lonely. First time I've said that in a long time. You said I'd never be alone but I swear to god I never felt so on my own.