Dont Fuck up

I hate the way i am i dont know why im like this i just always have been.
I do these things I hate, but at the time they seem justified.
I do things and say things and Hurt people
Not even for personal gain just because i can
Im always on the verge of destroying everything
like selfharm but over my entire life someone called it "self-sabotage"
Im always about to stomp all over anything ive worked hard for or anything ive got
I keep Fucking it up.
I cant trust myself with anything, ever.
I worry that i might say or do something one day that will get me in so much trouble it cant be fixed.
Im negativly impulsive, beyond the childish you say no i say yes.