Birds can Fly So High....

Its happening all over again...Here's Some Proof. I wrote this a Year ago Today.
I'm apologising for it already I haven't read it all yet.
06-12-2006

"wow i went mad last night the s&i is like wow i love it it hurts a little bit but its just fun n the way the hole look is wow and then it goes numb and i cut n i went deep like my deepest yet n now the burns are bruises n the ones with cuts r fucking killing n I'm limping n shit wow its scary n i fink mums gonna notice but i know she wont i was looking at my arm yesterday it was really fatty n gooey n still bleeding a bit it mite need stitches but its too late for it now n tonight i will find a nu method or place or just try n go as deep as i can n see wot happens but I'm still using the same blade i was using 2 days ago its so sharp n its not even a little bit blunt yet i love These blades but i am running out of micro pore n i may have 2 run 2 superdrugs 4 sum in a quick bit soo yea im jus lookin 4 a nu meth but i gotta be well careful bout infection n dat but atm ive gt 5 burns 4 with cuts 1 with out n den da arm so im not 2 bad im jus walkin like an old dude!!!! my legs r lookin off key but still ......arghhhhh SHES HYPER AS A BITCH
ok so do i cut toda wid all the pain im in but i wanna cut everyday for a week jus this week 2 prove im not as lazy as i fink mummy spoke 2 Miss g 2day bout y i wasn't in n dat she want 2 kno if i wanna do my exams in a nuva room but im not sure maybe i do but im overly unsure
i dnt fink cai is speakin 2 me but fuck dem i dont need no1 im fab n ok as i am she says before she rips in2 her skin with her blade will wb bout exam and ect lollll"

Reading it made me think i was losing it then but yet i still managed to hold it all together some how... I know that it always gets better but then again what if this time it wont....

Last year when i got sick i just cut everyone off and this time i might have to do it again, i havent killed myself yet no matter how mental i sounded...reading it now made me think MANIC
I was 15..but...now im 16 and it makes no difference, ive grown up but yet i dont want to at all.
Im still cutting but so what, to me it makes no difference.
I Knew i wasnt okay...but now im even less so but maybe im better then i was...
Im as alone now as i was then...My friends are Suffocating me i need to run away and be free
I Love them but its me...so i dont know why i feel guilty about it.
Ive had the cuts that i talked about for a year but now their scars Big ugly and horrific...I love them, they calm me down when i need it like now.
I cant stay on this computer tonight no matter how much i want to...

(Ive trig warned this for my own benefit)